KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
