The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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