Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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