All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
