the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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