Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
