I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
