Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
