Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize