so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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