I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
