I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
