Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
