All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
