Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
