only if we run a train.
done.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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