Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize