CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
