mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
