He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
