how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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