I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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