All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
