so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
