At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
