i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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