my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
