OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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