areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize