A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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