Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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