I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
