based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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