Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
