A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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