Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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