He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
