He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
