whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
