Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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