I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
