Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
