I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
