they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
