im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
