I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize