he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
