guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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