I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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