apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
