$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize