i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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