i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
