Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
