some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
