im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
