her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
