WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
