What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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