fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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