I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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