also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
