White coat. Heels.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize