NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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