this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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