Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
