Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
