I hate your face
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
