his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
