the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
