There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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