I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize