so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
