When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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