I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
