At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize