What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
