Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Two words: blizzard sex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
