You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
