I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
