I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
