whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In other news, I just burned my penis
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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