we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
