I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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