When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this will be a night to untag.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
