my being single is dangerous.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
