Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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