last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
