You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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