If that was your dad, he is hot
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
