literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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