if i can run in heels then i can drive
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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