did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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