Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
