You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
