i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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