The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
