I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
