I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
