if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize